Torture In This Instance
Defining “torture”
An important clarification regarding the context of everything herein is very important. “Torture”
in this instance is not claimed to be at the level of some forms of torture experienced by POW’s in hostile camps, in conflict, in war. It isn’t Keifer Sutherland in 24 or Jennifer Garner in Alias. It isn’t the torture of having been raped. It isn’t a lot of things. To those who have suffered worse fates than he, please know that Undlin (writing in 3rd person takes out some of the pain of reviewing and recounting this horror) does not claim to have suffered as much. His hope is that by focusing on resolving this one set of circumstances, the one he knows, others can also be moved to help resolve and prevent other atrocities. This here is what it is described to be. Not more. Not less. He feels for those who have had it worse. However, and without apology, wrongful denials along the line of,
“…oh, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad…” “…it’s just handcuffs…” “…it’s just wrist pain…”
are neither acceptable nor are they accepted. To whatever extent anyone thinks along those lines… metaphorically, they can go to wherever…they weren’t with me…it didn’t happen to them…they don’t have a clue…they are, as some have already been, cordially invited to a restraint chair party…he is certain that they all will, as all of those previously invited have, decline the invitation… where the rubber meets the road, they know the truth…that they wouldn’t want to face being tortured this way any more than he would…they are right to recoil against the thought of being tortured…they just need to come to grips with the logic of being similarly disturbed on behalf of someone else
Torture in this instance is most accurately described as this:
· 3+ hours of excruciating pain out of 4+ hours held wrongfully (my humble opinion – hereafter ‘mho’– you decide) in a restraint chair in what he thinks is called 5-point restraint (legs/feet/arms/hands/chest were all pretty much immobilized) – the first hour was bearable. Painful. Unnecessary. Brutal. But bearable. He didn’t cry…so he isn’t calling it torture for that first one hour. Others will. There is no exact place to draw the line, but it’s well within this arena…of that he is certain.
· excruciating to the point of being tearful for a lion’s share of 3+ hours (and after for days, weeks, months)
· excruciating to the point of grimacing, rolling his head back & forth & back & forth
· pleading for help, begging for mercy from those who walked, also back & forth, a few short steps away on the other side of the steel door with the little window
§ the jailhouse deputies did not, not see
§ they ignored, but they did not, not see
§ the jailhouse nurses, did not, not see
§ they ignored, but the did not, not see
§ they all did not, not hear
§ they ignored, but they did not, not hear
§ actually they didn’t even fully ignore…4 or 5 times or more, they, different ones, some more than once, told him the nurse was coming…one even gave him the thumbs up sign…twice, about an hour apart…in what he finally figured out was probably just mockery
§ false hope…dashed…dashed slowly and painfully, repeatedly, as the realizations of the reality they had in store for him came back to his brain each time – at the time, did he feel like breaking free and strangling one of the sadistic s.o.b.’s – you’re damn right he did – is that over now, of course
· when one is in the throws of long-term tortuous pain one holds on to false hope…thoughts of revenge provide strength…what else have you got to get you through? It’s not about true revenge, it’s something much simpler…just wanting to survive…that’s all
· crying to himself and out loud; gasping those in pain bear the pain breaths familiar to us all
· tensing muscles & moving limbs without room to tense or move…to try to shift the pain…only to sharpen it…another form of false hope…self inflicted without intent…
· singing songs and saying words to try to ease, to bear, the pain for this few hours out of the full One Day, Two Hours, Forty-nine Minutes, or as the jail writes it…1 dy 2 hr 49 mi:
…she’s buying a stairway to heaven…
…America, the beautiful…
…I pledge allegiance to the flag…
…we don’t do this in America…
…oh God, please help me…
…Becky…oh, Becky…
…why are they doing this to me…
…and she’s buying a stairway to heaven…
…
· at one point, near the end, he ‘enjoyed’ a brief, but startling hallucination –
§ he felt his hand, the left hand/wrist/arm move through his body to the front to rest on his left hip from where it was handcuffed and restrained behind his back against the chair,
§ he felt his hand move through flesh and bone, like when Superman and other action heroes move through walls, integrating within the back hip, through the side, and up to the front onto his left hip – but in front – where it should have been visible when he looked down to see what was happening, what felt like happened, but didn’t. He couldn’t see his left arm/wrist/hand at all… they were behind him…but he felt them in the front to such a degree that not seeing them there… where they were so obviously resting, from a kinesthetic feeling perspective (he thinks it’s called body awareness – a sense much like taste, sight, smell…), but weren’t really as he could so plainly see. It was disorienting. It was intriguing – whew…what the hell is going on…it lasted several minutes…and then his right-hand fingers grazed his left-hand fingers, where they really were, locked up tight behind him, and everything snapped back into reality…the intrigue…a kind of fear-like fascination… left…and the pain it had so briefly replaced…was back…where it ‘belonged’…so to speak.
§ so tightly that his hands were that deep cyanotic blue/purple of oxygen starvation when he was finally released,
§ so tightly that the 3/8 to ½” wide deep blue/purple strap marks 360o around his wrists from the restraint chair strap and the deep purple/deep groove circle around his wrists from the handcuffs lasted for many hours, and then gradually lightened to red, and then gradually to pink after several days,
§ so tightly that the undersides of both wrists and the edge of each thumb were numb for weeks – the tightness of the combined handcuffs and restraint chair straps had damaged the nerves that go through the wrist area (the doctor at Abbott hospital where I went directly from release called it peripheral neuropathy – if you Google this you will also see it called ‘handcuff neuropathy’ – no wonder,
§ so tightly that upon being loosened the pain (of blood or feeling or whatever returning to the wrists and hands – he doesn’t know what really) came out as the most horrific squeal he has or will ever experience,
§ if you ever hear the tape you will know the moment the guard grabbed his wrist from the second squeal; you will also hear the guard admonish him…for what he wonders…for being in pain? Mea culpa. Guilty as charged (in this instance in the cell…not in the instance that brought him to this hell).
Torture as defined by others goes like this:
· 1 a : anguish of body or mind : AGONY b : something that causes agony or pain 2 : the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure (Merriam-Webster Online, 9/14/06)
· Torture is any act by which severe pain, whether physical or psychological, is intentionally inflicted on a person as a means of intimidation, deterrence, revenge, punishment, sadism…Torture is almost universally considered to be an extreme violation of human rights, as stated by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights…signatories of the UN Convention Against Torture agree not to intentionally inflict severe pain or suffering on anyone… (Wikipedia, 9/14/06)
